In light of the recent tragedy which took place in Paris, France, acceptance of Syrian refugees in Korea has resurfaced due to social, security-wise aspects. Because of social and environmental aspects, I oppose to acppeting refugees of Syria. In an social aspect, acceptance of refugees increase the economic burden of the counties’ citizens who are unprepared or maybe even unwilling to pay these costs. Also, citizens sometimes build up a negative stance torwards refugees due to unsure governmental regulations. In a security-wise aspect, refugees, as they do not have a full citizenship and a sense of belonging to society, they hold a higher rate of commiting crimes. In addition, there is weak controls over refugees and insufficient sanctions governments set as refereces for them to follow. Although acceptance of refugees does not directly correlate with the increase of terrorism, it definitely would have an impact on the social and environmental environment which would contrast to that of the current Korea.
Hi Duki,
답글삭제It's Interesting Issue for it is current social problem. However, this time, the assignment require suggestion and solution. I'm afraid you didn't clearly suggest the opinion. The topic sentence should clearly suggest to either do something or not do something, so you should write more about it. If you oppose to accept refugees of Syria, then write solution about it such like 'We should close the door from them.' or 'We can support them only by food, not accepting.' Also, you must write your opinion clearly at concluding sentence. Remember you need to write your final thought at concluding sentence.
Best wishes,
Jeonggeun
Hi Duki,
답글삭제I think Korea should not accept refugees, too. If Korea accept refugees, Korea is reduced to a chaotic state. Finance in Korea is lacked to accept them. Regretfully, in my opinion, you have to write "accepting" instead of "acppeting", “towards” instead of “torwards”, “committing” instead of “commiting”, and “references” instead of “refereces”. And, If you refer to other source like Internet news, I think your paragraph is more better.
Have a nice day,
Jun-young
Hello Duki,
답글삭제I am opposed to accepting refugees of Syria, too. I like your topic because it is current social problem. However, there are no suggestion and solution. You have to suggest the opinion clearly. Also, the paragraph contains typing errors. It is better for you to correct them.
Sincerely,
Jiyeon
Dear. Du ki
답글삭제Hello Du ki! I’m so appreciate for your comments on my writing! Acceptance of Syrian is a big world-class problem now. Various circumstances are involved in this matter. I agree with your opinion. The other countries don’t have obligation to accept Syrian with risks. On the other hand, Syrian’s been through so many difficulties. Anyway, you write a paragraph nicely, but I think it is better to add some reasons. It will be more detailed-paragraph. Great Job!
Thanks :)
SY